The terror of Casa Bonita’s monkey-rat

If Cartel Barbie had a home, it would look exactly like the outer façade of Casa Bonita, with its tacky pink tower and cupcake décor.

It was inside this Mexican fiesta universe, sometime in the year 1993, I experienced a moment of great terror and embarrassment that has long lived in my consciousness since age 12 or so.

I choose to write about this incident now because I recently came across an image on Casa Bonita’s website that triggered this unfortunate memory and I believe putting this story out there will serve as a warning—a lesson.

What’s contained in this photo is – shall I put this bluntly – the image of the son of the bitch who ruined my first experience at Casa Bonita.

That’s the culprit on the left.

There it is on the left. I’m not sure if it’s a rat, a monkey or whatever, but it’s clearly some sort of mammalian creature wearing a sombrero and a vest.

To be fair, the person wearing the furry suit is very likely not the person who was wearing this outfit that horrible day back in 93.

And full disclosure – it’s possible this may not be the actual furry, however, seeing the image on Casa Bonita’s website is enough to trigger.

I must point out the furry has a tail, which is a crucial part of this story.

I give it a 95% chance this is the bastard.

Now to the story, which may bore you and may not be quite significant and worthy for such a long post, however you’re still reading at this point so let’s go down this dumb path.

Actually, let’s go up to the entrance of Black Bart’s Hideout where I had the terrible encounter with monkey-rat.

Some context: I was hopped up on sopapilla honey and soda.  I just finished a cliff diving show. I was free to roam anywhere within the Casa Bonita dimension, fueled with sugar and thrills. 

Photo taken last year. I’m pointing at the very spot where I had the encounter with the monkey-rat, based on my memory. Black Bart’s Hideout is just behind me.

As I made my way up to the mouth of the cave, there in front of me was a big tail.  

Conditioned to believe such people who wear furry costumes are willing to subject themselves to the torture of children, I grabbed that tail and yanked….hard.

The monkey-rat pivoted quickly. As its big face came into view, I put my fists in a boxer’s pose and began to lightly Muhammad Ali the furry face while laughing.   

Immediately, the furry took of his head, and to my astonishment, revealed the very small head of a very sweaty and very angry man.

With matted hair, a red face and veins bulging like tree roots on his forehead, the irate mouse/monkey/human hybrid unleashed a verbal assault just a few inches from face.

I felt spit and maybe a shower of sweat.

I broke this man.

And he broke me.

I can’t remember what was said, but I remember the words “I’M JUST TRYING TO DO MY JOB!!!” being screamed at me, over and over and over.

I ran from monkey-rat-man with absolute terror. A strangulation was imminent. 

Thankfully, I found my table next to the cliff side, but didn’t reveal the incident to my parents. I sulked.   

The cliff divers were no longer fun and I wanted out of this demented place.

And that is my story with monkey-rat.

If there is any lesson here, it’s don’t trust anybody wearing a furry suit….and DON’T touch their tail.

(In the end, I adore everything about this place and always love going back….but I hope I don’t see the monkey-rat furry again.)

One thought on “The terror of Casa Bonita’s monkey-rat

  1. Dennis Quintana

    I as an adolescent once I think I was 13 kicked Twinkie the kid in full-blown Twinkie costume at the Northglenn Mall in Northglenn I ran and didn’t stick around to see if cream filling shot out of his head


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