BREATHE. IT’S GONNA BE OKAY.
Hello there, Friend.
Visualize and pretend with me.
Welcome to my little tranquil room. In the corner I have Yanni playing.
There’s a nice little indoor waterfall over there.
Take a seat here with me on my nice plush imaginary couch.
I hope you like the scent of my incense because I know you’re incensed….get it?
You’re here because you’re angry at a weather person.
Maybe their forecast was a bit off and it ruined your day.
Life is over. It’s done.
This day that was supposed to be snowy and stormy (but instead is kinda nice) will no doubt cascade into a series of catastrophes that will impact your descendants and your legacy.
It’s not that bad. But I know why you’re here.
Maybe you picked up your iPhone and you popped a vein on your head as you furiously typed out insults to the people who are trying their best to predict the future.
I feel you.
We have accurate bank transactions, useless Amazon orders delivered in hours, and hand-held devices that give us dog farting videos in seconds when we want it, whenever we want.
Why can’t that damn massive storm system that is spanning half the continent do exactly what I was told it would do? Like….right now?
I’m not a weather expert, but I am familiar with anger and entitlement.
You see, I used to be like you.
When I was about five years old, when I didn’t get a cookie, I lost it. Thank god Twitter didn’t exist back then, otherwise the Nabisco account would have been crumbled.
When things don’t go our way in this instant-drive-thru, pin-drop-food-delivery world, that indifferent bitch of Mother Nature just does what she wants.
She just can’t be controlled. She just doesn’t care.
And the weather person we expect to reign her in with all of those fancy maps, models and all that bar graph stuff just can’t do it for us anymore. So it’s gotta be their fault.
I know you’re probably still seething if you’ve made it this far. And that’s okay, Friend.
But before you storm out of here as I talk about the unpredictability of the weather, let me just help you find some perspective before you lash out at weather people who are definitely not trying to jack you over.
Humanity has been on this planet for tens of thousands of years and we’ve barely, JUST BARELY, started our attempts at broadcasting forecasts in the 1950s.
The first weatherman for the BBC lived until 2009.
Your ancestors, who likely traveled across unknown lands and dangerous seas to get here so they could make a family tree with you in it had no idea what the weather was going to do from one hour to the next.
Boy, I’d bet they’d be angry to learn their great-great-great-great grandson is now uncomfortable with what he was told on this magic box with moving pictures. All that travel for nuthin’
Mother Nature has been around these parts for much longer we have…give or take a few billion years in this 13-billion old universe.
We’ve got a lot to learn still, but most of us know she is still vastly unpredictable given our very short time trying to see what she’s gonna do.
So before you get angry, and berate the weather guy or woman for not getting it exact…..be like mother nature.
Just keep moving and don’t let the electronics control you.
After all, anger in this age is so predictable.